If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize