WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
