Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you win again, gameday.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
