I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just gift wrapped bread.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
