I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
