were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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