We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
