We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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