I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
