first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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