Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
