I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
