I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
