The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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