morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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