i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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