how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
