ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
