i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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