how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
