mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
