im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
