The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
