I want to make a zoo with you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize