thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
