no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
