I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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