I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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