It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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