I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
