Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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