Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
zippers are such a cool invention
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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