you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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