I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
