looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize