I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
