you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
