the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize