70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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