just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
