I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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