Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
