The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
