White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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