He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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