I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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