The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
