If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
