I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
