i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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