omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
