this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
