Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
