what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
