you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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