he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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