you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
