Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
