even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
