I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
