I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
