too bad you live with your parents still
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
