You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize