it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
